Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
