what day is it and did you see me today?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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