I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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