Got a toothbrush?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
