I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
