So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
