i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
