Jerry, you need to find god
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
