So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
