I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
