she looked like the before picture.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
