Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He better not be in your backpack
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
