Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
