my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
