I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
