do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i believe in u and ur pee
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
