if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
