I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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