Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
