Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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