$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
