just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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