He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I forget how to act sober
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
