He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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