Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
