I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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