mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
