i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
