we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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