Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
