Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
