I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
