I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
