his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
