Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
