Barsexuality is the new black.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
did you just send me my own nude
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
