i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
