Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
