You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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