We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
