Will you blow on my dice?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
