Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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