I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Will exercising make me less horny?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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