The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
