I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
