I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
