My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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