Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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