he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
