it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm at about main and main street
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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