What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
