I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I need to calm my uterus...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
