I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
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You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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