I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
