This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We had to coat check the pizza.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i now understand why vodka
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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