Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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