You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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