good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just had sex bonerless
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
