We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
