is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
