there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
