So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
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I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
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I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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