When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
