she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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