you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
no you cant smoke seaweed
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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