i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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