That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
