First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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