May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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