On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize