Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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