My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
