it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
