Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
