ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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