By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
