i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
