It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
